Families Can Be Together Forever

Ok, it's time to do some catching up! Honestly as I looked back through a few of the pictures from just last month, it feels like those things already happened years ago. I don't know how we've managed to fill our summer with all the things we've been doing, but it could take a while to get caught up on here.

But to start off on this "catching up", I have a post that needs to be done sooner than later, I just haven't been quite sure how to do it - but I'll try.

So after my grandpa sealed Ben and Kim at the beginning of June, he asked me if I would be able to come to the Farm sometime during the summer and record some of his personal history as he told it to me. I've always loved hearing our family history and this was exciting because the more I thought about it, the more I realized that there's alot about my grandpa - before he was my grandpa - that I didn't know.

So I told him I would, and I knew I needed to do it sooner than later since his cancer was only going to get worse. But when we were with him at the first of the month, he seemed to be staying pretty stable, and I figured I would have time in the next little while. As it turned out, right at the end of June we had a few Irish performances in Malad and Twin Falls on Saturday and since I was with the Ingrams, I asked them to just drop me off at the Farm on Saturday night and I was going to stay until the following Wednesday, which was the 4th of July. They were happy to do that for me, so I got to the Farm on Saturday night expecting to have a few days to just listen to Grandpa. We'd even talked to him a week or so before and told him I was coming to do that with him.

Well, Grandpa was already asleep but Grandma was in the living room and as I sat down to talk to her, I found out that Grandpa had been having a really bad last couple of days and she didn't think there was any way he'd be able to talk - let alone be understood enough to record any of his history. Luckily, one of my cousins had been helping Grandma and Grandpa with it a little bit already, so he'd had a start.

I went to bed not sure what to expect the next day when Grandpa woke up.

It was pretty different than what I was prepared for. He really was not himself and we could tell just by looking at him that it was getting close to the end, and pretty quickly.

I went ahead and got ready for church and then went back upstairs,just about the same time that my uncle was helping Grandpa back into bed. Grandpa glanced at me for a second and said my cousin's name, and I had a few seconds of worry that he didn't even remember me. But I waved to him and as he looked again, he smiled and mumbled, "Oh! You're not Lanie, you're Tiana!" That was a relief.

Pretty much from that afternoon on, everything changed and I knew that my stay there wasn't to record Grandpa's history, it was to have a chance to be with him and Grandma during some of his last days.

David was there, too and we both were un-expectedly blessed to get to help Grandma take care of Grandpa as things progressed.

As sad as that week was, and as many times as I had to fight back some tears to see such a strong man loosing strength, it was also one of the most spiritual weeks I've ever had.

After learning the hard way that Grandpa just couldn't be left in their room by himself because he'd try to get out of bed for reasons known only to him, we started taking turns sitting in there with him while he slept and making sure he didn't do anything too crazy! :)

We'd get him water or ice, or just try to talk to him to get him to lay back down. Grandma had some really long nights, because everything about him had almost gone back to being like a little baby and he was up all the time during the night.

It's hard to describe all the emotions that each of us went through during those days. We still had a pretty big family party on the 4th of July, but it was not quite the same, as we all thought about what was coming. He went down hill so fast, that even family in the area was surprised to see him the way he was.

But there were all kinds of miracles that happened during that week, and I know it was a tender mercy that David and I got to be there. I'd had a really tough time accepting all the things that were going on with the cancer and it was hard for me to think of my grandpa not being around when all I've known is 22 years of life with him. I know that sounds selfish, because all of us in our family love him and we all had to put our faith in Heavenly Father to know that what didn't make sense to us, makes sense to Him and has a purpose bigger than what we can see right now.

But that last week with Grandpa helped me to see that for his sake, it was going to be such a blessing for him to return to Heavenly Father so soon. One of the first things he said when he found out he had cancer was, "I get to meet my Savior."

As it got time for our family to go back to Boise on the 4th of July, David and I were both worried because we knew how much care Grandpa needed and how some things were hard for Grandma to do by herself - like getting him up if he'd fall, and answering the phone and door, and things like that when she needed to be with Grandpa all the time. So to our relief, Dad told us we could stay until Saturday and he'd come back for us then.

Well, Saturday came and for the past two nights, Grandma had needed David to come into their room in the middle of the night to help get Grandpa lifted back into his hosptial bed after he'd tried to get up. I woke up Saturday morning feeling pretty anxious about what would happen when David wasn't there to help. We have family who live on the Farm and could help, but they have families and jobs and it's not as easy for them to be with Grandpa 24/7 as it was for David and I. But after I'd said a prayer that things would be ok for Grandma, I had a good feeling that I didn't need to worry.

It was still so hard to leave that afternoon and to go in and tell Grandpa goodbye, because I knew it was the last time.

I just can't say how grateful I am to have had that whole week with him and Grandma.

My aunt stayed the night on Saturday and Sunday just in case Grandpa tried getting up again, but he never did, and I know that was an answer to our prayers. On Monday morning, my aunt called Dad and told him that Grandpa had passed away.

I was so glad for Grandpa, after seeing him suffer so much. But even now, I know it's still hard for all of us because we just miss him so much.

My uncle is a mortician and quite a while ago, Grandpa told him, "Dave, when I'm gone and you're getting me ready for the funeral, make sure I have a smile on my face."

Well, once Dave had gotten Grandpa all ready for the funeral, he called Grandma and said, "Could you come into the mortuary real fast, Mom?" When she got there, Dave said, "I just finished shaving Dad's face and when I moved my hand, he was like this." Grandpa had a peaceful little smile from then on.

We got to the Farm on Friday night for the viewing and afterwords, in memory of Grandpa, a few of us cousins and Mom and Dad went to Dairy Queen for Butterfinger Blizzards (one of Grandpa's favorites).

 The next morning the funeral was at the stake center and after the family viewing, as we all made our way into the chapel, I looked around and was stunned at what I saw. The entire stake center was full of people, clear to the back of the gym! Grandpa was the kind of guy that once you met him, you knew you had a good friend, and everyone who knew him wanted to be there for the funeral.
  It was such a nice funeral, as far as that goes. Just a huge honor to an amazing guy and fun to hear stories about him and be there with all our family.

    Grandma has been such a big example for me through all of this. Who could miss him more than she does? But because of her testimony, she's been able to just keep moving forward and find peace and happiness in the gospel and with our big family.

                                           Grandma and her sister, brother, and sister-in-law.

It's so good to know, and I do, that Grandpa isn't gone for ever. There is a reason (even if I don't understand everything completely) that we need him and his help from Heaven now, rather than with us here. But how good it will be when the day comes that we're all together again; and to know that makes it just a little easier to keep going every day.